:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
