i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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