Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
