He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
