I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
