He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
