she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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