In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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