you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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