dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
