Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
