hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
