you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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