So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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