it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
