do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
