I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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