I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
