i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
