WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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