Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her vagine was all disorganized.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize