We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
