Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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