Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My liver just broke up with me...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
