your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
