Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
