I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
