you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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