Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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