I hope mine doesn't look like that
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
