I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Girls should come with a carfax report
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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