my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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