My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
