So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
