lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
