ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
