i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
