My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
