Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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