the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
