i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
