obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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