We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
