You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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