who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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