Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
