Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
