We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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