Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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