are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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