I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
