Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
