South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
