I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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