Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
