I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
