how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Me. At least after what I've been through.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
