who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The beer is more important than you right now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize