thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
