ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
