Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
