we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
