She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
