If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
