Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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