yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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