Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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