: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
