they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
