Pants 0. Shit 1.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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