matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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