I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
