She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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