im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
