you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
