I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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