I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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