That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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