turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
