his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
These tits shall not be calmed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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