remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
