Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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