Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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