Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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