not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
