My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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