so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
