Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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