All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Holy sore nipples Batman
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
