Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
