I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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