He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize