Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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