You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
