i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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