Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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