I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
