Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
